Did you survive Mardi Gras? You lucky bastard. Perhaps you barely staggered out of there like you had just been in a 72-hour firefight with the Taliban on a mountain escarpment somewhere in the Hindu Kush. Its okay, we’ve all been there – not above the tree line in Afghanistan – but fighting to save our lives from all the partying for which we volunteered.
Whether it’s NOLA or Vegas, Lollapalooza or Coachella, we all ride in on that white horse (this is not a euphemism for your girlfriend), drop our shit off at the hotel, and proceed to drink so much it would make Ted Kennedy blush. We have our priorities:
- Get there, wherever “there” may be for you.
- Make sure our shit is somewhere safe for easy retrieval at a later time when we’re blacked out.
- Proceed to blackout.
Well guess what lads, just about now you should be coming out of your Hurricane-induced comas. By the way, who can drink all that sugar? “Hey brah, there’s like a million shots in one of those!” Just calm down, Alice. We forgive you for indulging in those chick drinks you’ve been waiting all year to have. But never mind your suppressed fantasies, there is something much more important on the horizon. We’re talking about South by Southwest (SXSW) in Austin, Texas.
Full disclosure: we’re not going to pretend to give a shit about indie rock films or independent music or whatever the hell goes on at one of these festivals. We just care about where the party is and how to get your ass to the center of the storm.
No Pass, No Problem
If you don’t have your name on a list or don’t have a pass, worry not. EyeHandy is here for you. You’ll be able to reach step three on the priority list faster than it takes that one buddy in your circle of friends (you know who we’re talking about) to walk up and scare away all the chicks. If you’re having trouble pinpointing that guy we’re talking about, well, suffice it to say the rest of your buddies know who it is.
So without further ado, below is an all-encompassing list, compiled by our resident researchers (read: interns), of parties you need to go to. How do we know the parties are legit? We told the interns that for every negative email we get about their recommendations, one of them, at random, will lose a finger. Rules are rules. They knew what they were getting into when they signed up.
All you have to do is RSVP to one (or all) of these bad boys. Godspeed gentlemen. Keep your head on a swivel. Report back.
Startup Crawl [March 8th]
Startup Weekend [March 9th]
Epic Interactive [March 9th]
Media Temple’s Closing Party [March 13th]
Hype Hotel!!! [March 13th – 17th]
Paste Magazine [March 13th – 16th]
Ioda [March 14th]
Consequence of Sound [March 14th]
Let’s Get Messy [March 15th]
Filter Magazine Dickie’s [March 15th – 17th]
Filter Showdown at Cedar Street [March 15th – 17th]
Requiemme Management [March 16th]
Does Does Does Showcase [March 16th]
Reverb Party [March 17th]
The Big One 2012 [March 17th]